Iris Mini: Parenting Through Cancer Ages 6-12

Cancer is a diagnosis that not only impacts the patient but the entire family. School age children (6-12) can benefit from direct and clear communication about cancer and the changes it may bring to a family. Parenting during a cancer diagnosis can be physically and emotionally draining. You may find it challenging to focus on treatment while meeting the needs of children. Each family copes with a diagnosis differently, and you are the expert on your child(ren). However, there are guiding principles from child development experts’ experience caring for families when a parent has cancer. The chart below may help provide ways to support your child(ren). Your Iris mental health therapist is available for specific needs, parenting questions, or support for you and your family.

Development & Understanding of Cancer

Child’s Response/ Behaviors

Parenting Tips

- Ability to understand more complex medical details of diagnosis

- May be curious and ask good questions

- Consider age-appropriate educational tools such as games, art activities, etc.

- May feel they have caused the diagnosis or that they may get cancer too

- May have difficulty separating or distancing themselves from the ill parent

- Offer ways for the child to be actively involved

- Understands mortality as it relates to medical diagnoses

- May experience anxiety or guilt

- Consider creative ways for your child to express emotions (art, writing etc.)

- May have previous knowledge of cancer from friend's experiences, television, or the internet, and may compare it with their previous experience

- May revert to previous developmental stages (bed wetting, thumb sucking)

- Take time to listen to their concerns and let them know you care about their feelings

- May be developing abstract thinking skills especially in the later school ages

- May express distress as a physical symptoms (headaches, stomach pains, poor concentration, or daydreaming)

- Reassure child they did not cause the illness and they cannot catch it

 

- May have behavioral challenges at school

- Communicate with your child often, and help prepare them for schedule changes

 

- May experience irritability, sadness, crying, the desire to be alone, or seem withdrawn

- Model healthy coping and express emotions

 

- May have the ability to sense parent’s emotions and want to provide support

- Attempt to continue child’s activities, schedule, and interactions with friends

 

 

- Share how treatment may impact the child directly, assure them their needs will be taken care of

 

 

- Caution children about making assumptions that all parents with cancer have the same outcome

 

 

- Be prepared to address fear of death

 

 

- Consider outside support if your child is experiencing emotional or physical changes; if it is prolonged you may consider additional support